am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
