yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
