I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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