Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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