Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
