i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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