no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
