Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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