Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
