Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
