you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
