Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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