so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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