I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
