My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
The cops high fived after they tackled you
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
