Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
