im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
