I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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