His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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