Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize