bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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