Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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