I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
