Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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