Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
