I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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