i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
