you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
