I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
