Little spoons don't ask big questions
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
