talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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