I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
the condom got lost in my hair
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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