WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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