Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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