I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
But theres a keg here and me gusta
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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