Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
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I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
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If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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