I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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