i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
