if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
