Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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