bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
