At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
