I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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