i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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