I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
