I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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