she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
And then he peed in my hair
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