But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
