dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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