Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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