My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
