Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Hippo gnu deer
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
