did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
