Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just invented taco cereal.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
