I love black thongs
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
