I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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