I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
then he tried to convert me to islam
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
