he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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