hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
this is an emotional support booty call
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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