and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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