TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
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Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
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I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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