thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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