take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
