i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
