Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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