he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
