Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
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My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
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A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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