For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
