oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
We had sex on a dog bed..
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
