Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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