now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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