Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
