I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
