I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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