Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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