somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Drunk is not a location!
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
