Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
