I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
