Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
