Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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