Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
