Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
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I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
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At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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